Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Downfall of the Perfectionist.

It's not surprising that in nursing school you learn a ton of new things. You start with how to talk to a patient, how to properly make a bed, wash a patient, give a medication. Then, you move onto assessing patients, creating plans of care, and working together with other health care providers to improve patient outcomes. Then, during your Master's, you begin to learn how to properly diagnose, manage and treat patients. But there's one thing that isn't in the curriculum, syllabus or course description...what you end up learning about yourself.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and sometimes our strengths are our weaknesses and vice versa. For me, that seems to be the case with perfectionism. It doesn't manifest itself in the way you might imagine. For instance, my apartment is a disaster: dishes piled up, papers everywhere. The nice leather couch has a chic new layer of bulldog hair adorning it. Nor is my perfectionism in my appearance: I would venture to guess I am maybe 10 lbs. heavier than I should be, and anyone who has met me is likely to find me in sweatpants, hair desheveled and smudges all off my glasses. My perfectionism lies in me. Perhaps one of my greatest strengths and my greatest challenges, I put a ton of pressure on myself. I have always demanded perfection in my performance: whether it be school, plays, sports or whatever I commit to. I simply cannot do less than my best. While one might argue this is a strength, boy does it get tiring! The constant self-inflicted pressure to be the perfect kid, the perfect student, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect person is a losing battle. The fact is, NO ONE, including me, is, or will ever be, perfect.

So what does this have to do with nursing, you ask? Umm, just about everything. As nurses and nurse practitioners, we work with people on a daily basis. We get to know them intimately: their fears, their goals, their bodies. And they turn to us for guidance, expertise, professionalism and, many times, perfection. The fact is, we are not God. Nor are we perfect. We will not always be right, or be sensitive enough, or quick enough, or in depth enough. We will not always be careful enough or focused enough. For me, this has been something that is very difficult to grasp. At the beginning of each semester, I find myself scrambling, drowning in fear

I am a new student again! I don't know what I'm in for. How will I know what to do? What if I mess up? What if I just don't know? What if I fail? What if I bomb that one test that matters most?

The fact is, nursing school has taught me so much more than nursing: it has taught me how to live an honest, calmer life. I constantly work to remember that I am not suppose to know everything, nor could I! If I did, why would there be a need for school? Why would their be a licensure exam? We can't start at the finish line, we have to start at the start. And more, embrace being at the start. So wherever you are today, if it isn't your goal, embrace that discomfort. Remember that those remarkable doctors, nurses and nurse practitioners you strive to be like once were you: struggling to see ear drums, questioning lung sounds, forgetting drug treatments.

And most of all, thank you all for giving me the chance to remind myself of these lessons. With that, I am going to go prepare for tomorrow, which promises to be a day of excitement, challenges, and oh so precious uncertainty.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Oops!

I vowed it wouldn't happen and it did! I let 11 days go by without a blog post. Bad bad, Rachel. And while I could go on and on, giving excuses as to why I let my blog duties fall by the wayside, I will instead let you in on what the last week and a half has looked like for me by telling about 3 experiences of the last 11 days:

1) Midterm (dun dun dun)

Well, first accomplishment of the last 11 days... I SURVIVED AND PASSED MY MIDTERM EXAM! Haha, I know I know, dramatic again. But really, I was so nervous! It's crazy how 7 years after beginning my post-secondary education I still get nervous picking up that #2 pencil, double checking everything: did I put my name on? Did I spell my name right? Did I skip any numbers? What if I mismark one question, thus throwing off the entire exam? What if my pencil isn't a #2 and the scantron machine doesn't accept my test? What if my pencil runs out of lead? HAHA. Don't lie to yourself and say you never ask yourselves the same questions :)

The exam was challenging, some questions more than others, but as is the case with nursing school in general, I truly believe you get the results of the work you put in. Although I didn't do as well as I hoped, being the OCD student I am, I am happy to report I did well and can breath a (brief) sigh of relief until the next test!

The midterm covered components of the well adult, well child, respiratory disorders (asthma, COPD and pneumonia), the well woman and normal pregnancy. Unlike nursing, where the questions focus on assessment and nursing interventions, advanced nursing focuses more on patient management through medication, education, and follow up interventions. It is a lot more to think about: based on someone's age, gender, family history, medications, allergies, social history, symptoms...ALL OF IT...you base someone's plan of care. It is a lot to have on one's shoulders, but also really rewarding and challening!

2) The Massachusetts Association of Registered Nurses Conference (MARN)

As a part of my graduate assistantship in the graduate admissions office, I am usually asked in addition to composing this blog and helping with mailings to attend graduate information sessions, speaking about my experiences at Regis, Regis nursing programs, etc. However, this past weekend, I was asked to represent Regis at the MARN conference! I was so excited at the opportunity to attend my first professional conference, network and represent Regis to the greater Boston community. The conference was nothing less than what I expected. I met so many people that have been so influential in the nursing arena and nursing education, women and men from the ANA, Curry College, Emmanuel College, Boston College, Mass General, the Brigham,  Beth Israel...it didn't end! It was so amazing to be able to talk with other fellow nurses about nursing practice, policy and the future of the profession.

The keynote speaker, a highly accomplished and respected nurse, spoke to us about the 2nd ballot initiative that we will be voting on next month when we go to the polls: the "Death with Dignity" act, or, also known as "Physician Assisted Suicide". I had entered the conference feeling very strongly that I would be voting for the initiative without question. After learning more about physician assisted suicide and what the initiative proposes by listening to the experiences/viewpoints of people in the field (palliative care nurses and physicians, a chaplain, a lawyer, etc.) I was forced to really challenge my preconceived notions and think about it differently. Although I still plan on voting for the initiative, it was amazing to be challenged intellectually in such ways. I think this is really the way in which we grow as people and health care providers: pushing the boundaries of comfort, and really asking yourselves the tough questions.
With that said, I will take this opportunity to inform you that today is the last day to register to vote next month in the state of MA. Your voice is vital. It is not only your right, but your responsibility to vote and have a say in your society. SO GO OUT AND VOTE* okay, back on track :)

3) GRENADA!

So, for those of you who don't know, each spring Regis College sends 5-6 nurse practitioner students to the island of Grenada to provide care to the people there. I feel so incredibly honored and blessed to have been chosen to go to Grenada! Not to mention, some of my very closest friends were selected as well, so it is even more special. Since I heard about the trip last year, I have wanted to go! It really is like a dream come true for me. I have always wanted to go abroad to do service work, and simply never have had the chance to/always was to scared to go alone. Now, I can go with people there to support me and experience it with! The only issue is that I don't know if I can afford it. I am sure many of you can relate when I say money is SO tight right now. Unfortunately, we are each responsible for funding our portion of the trip, and although we don't yet know how much it will cost for each of us, I have a feeling regardless it is over my budget.

Luckilly, Regis has a new grant program, and I will be helping to compose our application, so hopefully we will get approved and get some funding! With that said, if any of you know if any scholarship/grant/funding opportunities we can utilize to help us go to Grenada this spring, PLEASE do not hesitate to email it to me. We need all the help we can get! :)


In other news, for those of you who were wondering (as I'm sure you all were DYING to know, ha) Bella is doing fantastic since her ACL surgery last month! She is starting to put weight on her leg, and we are now able to walk her twice a day for 10 minutes at a time!  You don't realize how much you miss walking your dog until you can do it again. God, I love that little mush.

Well folks, I'm here at Health Services ready to precept for the day! Remember, you can email me any and all questions/comments at RFran430@regiscollege.edu and I will be thrilled to share them on my blog next week!

Until then, keep on trucking, keep warm and have a great week!

Intellectual. Smart. Classy. Bulldog.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Sanity Progress Report: Surviving

Hi, everyone! Thanks for checking back in with me on this crazy, amazing journey! It definitely was a sigh of relief this week to have the campus be a bit back to normal. By no means does that mean that everyone is okay. Even just pulling into campus this morning I see students dressed up in suits and ties, preparing to go pay their respects to Darner, one of the 2 students we lost in the past 2 weeks. I feel so incredibly heartbroken for the undergraduate community who have had to deal with so much tragedy, right at the beginning of the school year none the less.

Amidst the chaos, classes and clinicals go on. I am absolutely in LOVE with my 3 clinical placements. I have been learning so much. Before starting this year I use to wonder how someone could possibly learn how to be a patient's primary care provider in a short 9 months. Now that I am living this life every day, I kind of get it. Every single day, every single MOMENT at clinical, you learn something new. I imagine a bunch of folders in my brain, and each patient case I am putting knowledge into the respective folder for later. It's unbelievable what you learn! 

Our midterm exam is this Thursday (already!!!!). I can't believe how fast time is going, but that is what always happens! The exam is worth one third of our final grade I believe, so needless to say I am a bit nervous. The exam covers a LOT of material: the well child, the well adult, the well woman, community acquired pneumonia, COPD, asthma and normal pregnancy. This includes all normal and abnormal findings, guidelines, medications, education, etc. It's a lot.

I just got off the phone with my grandma who always dreamed of being a nurse and she said something that stuck with me. She said, "Honey, I am so proud of you. You are so focused on your goal and work so hard. You never complain, you just do what you need to do." Sometimes in the midst of your work you forget the focus, determination, discipline and sacrifice it has taken to get you where you are. Never forget it. Nursing is truly a way of life that requires these very things. And it is no different when you get to the third year. I don't really have weekends. I can't go out with friends or my boyfriend as much as I'd like. Nor can I exercise, eat as well or do laundry as much as I'd like. But you simply duck your head and carry on. Even when it feels like you can't do work another day, or you can't study another minute, simply stay focused on go on. Before you know it, that test is over and you did just fine.

Well folks, the post is a bit boring this week, I'll admit. With class today from 9-4, studying all day tomorrow and a midterm on Thursday my brain is simply fried. Stay tuned next week for another post, but until then, remember you can submit any/all nursing related questions to Rfran430@regiscollege.edu and I will answer them on my blog!! 

Rach


                                                           Bella and I on warmer days :)