Inconceivable.

I had it all planned out. I was going to write about pain. My darling Bella-boo got ACL repair surgery on Monday. I had been dreading it for months, knowing the intense amount of pain she would be in for such a long amount of time. On a selfish level, I dreaded the pain I would feel both emotionally and physically: seeing her hurt, seeing her scar, having to wake up in the middle of the night, having to carry her down the stairs to the lawn to pee, having to do physical therapy, ice, meds. But then the unthinkable, the inconceivable happened...

Thursday, 7:14pm. Another email from President Hayes:

It is with a heavy heart that I tell you that late this afternoon Regis College suffered  the loss of  Michael Kaplan ’13  and serious injury to  Peter Leighton ’15 as a result of a motorcycle accident.

 No. This can't be happening. Not again. Not 6 days after Darner. Not the same way...but it did.

It's times like this that you wonder what it all means. Why do horrible things happen to good people? Young people? And though there's no answer to be found, there is so much to learn.

I realize that this blog entry still is, and should be, about pain. The pain we feel as classmates of another student gone too soon, of another still in the hospital. The pain we feel when imagining the pain Michael's family right now. The pain we feel when we think of the worries and fears of Peter's family now. The pain I feel when I think of both of these families, and more, the pain I feel for all of you: Michael, Peter and Darner's friends, classmates and neighbors. In some ways, one can wonder: is emotional pain even worse than physical pain?

In nursing school, they teach us that pain is the 5th vital sign, just as important as temperature, pulse, respiration rates, blood pressure and oxygen saturation. Pain effects everything: immune status, mood, appetite, sleep, motivation, physical activity, nutrition and even longevity. Pain is truly the proof of the mind-body connection. When we feel pain in our hearts and minds, we feel it in our body: that stomach ache, that head ache. And in turn, when we hurt in our bodies we feel it in our hearts and minds: ACL surgery, a motor vehicle accident, a death. We are truly in pain.

So what can we learn from pain? First off, and probably most importantly, we have to remember that pain is subjective, meaning, it is different for everyone. I could go bang my baby toe against the corner of the door frame (something I have the joy of doing practically on a weekly basis), and rank my pain as the worst I've ever felt in my life. While, if Bella could talk after major orthopedic surgery, she'd probably say, "Oh, stop your worrying, Rachel, I feel just fine." If I were to talk to the family and friends of Darner and Michael, their pain would probably be inexpressible. And in turn, because pain is subjective, everyone deals with it differently. Some people cry, some act out with violence, some scream, some eat until they puke, and some may do or say absolutely nothing. The fact is, as long as you are safe to yourself and others, you can and should do absolutely whatever it is you have to do to deal with the pain you are feeling. However, because I am a nurse after all, here are some healthy suggestions of how to cope during these sad and difficult times:

-Talk to your friends

-Talk to a teacher, parent or someone else you trust

-Write in a journal

-Exercise

-Organize a memorial fund or memorial service

-Become involved in public health initiatives that help to fund/promote motor vehicle safety

-Bake something for Michael, Peter or Darner's family...send them a letter

-Cry cause you miss him. Laugh at the funny memories

There is no wrong. Be kind to yourself.

So what is the take home message here? It is to know that sometimes things in life just don't make sense. Most importantly, we have to stick together. Remember that there are people on campus who are in terrible pain right now, and we, as members of the campus community, hurt for them. Be patient with each other. Be there for each other. And may we strive to be the people Michael and Darner would want us to be: proud to be Regis students united in a time of pain, loss and tremendous hope.